Professional counselors admit that a large part of their work is helping people to forgive and become free of bitterness. Bitterness is animosity and hatred directed towards another person. It is usually over some injury or wrong that has been done to a person, either intentionally or unintentionally. It may even be over a misunderstanding, where there was no actual violation at all. Whether over actual, imagined, intentional or unintentional violation, bitterness binds up a person’s soul, is sin, and must be resolved.
Bottled up anger has many effects on a person, all of them negative. The resentful person may have anxiety, difficulty sleeping, difficulty interacting with others and physical sickness. They lose their ability to be gentle-spirited and kind. They may even become captivated with the desire for revenge.
Friend, if you are wrestling with bitterness or resentment, the Bible has the answer for you. It will help us with this critically important life-issue, and its message is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is truly one of the most beautiful words in the English language. It is about releasing other people and about ourselves being released. Forgiveness is something that we need to give and receive our whole lives long. Scripture says; “How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit!” (Psalm 32:1-2).
All alternatives to forgiveness are deceptions and further entrapments. There is something within the reasonings of men’s minds which says, “I just need to clear my chest and repay injustice done to me. Then I will feel better.” Sadly, clearing your chest often is just another way of saying “venting anger on people.” Repaying wrong done to us is often just vengeance, and vengeance provokes a response of further vengeance. This is how conflicts escalate. It must be said that there is a place, in some instances, for defending yourself legally. In many cases, if not most cases, it is advisable to suffer wrong done to us and dismiss it by an act of forgiveness.
The first known example of bitterness and unforgiveness was that of Cain. (See Genesis Chapter Four). Cain and his brother, Abel, brought sacrifices to the LORD. However, Abel took the all-important, obedient step of offering to the LORD the type of sacrifice that God wanted. Cain did not do this but, instead, made a sacrifice of crops. Consequently, the LORD accepted Abel’s sacrifice and rejected Cain’s sacrifice. Cain chose to hate and blame his brother for God’s rejection, and even killed him in a fight. This is bitterness running its full course, from resentment to ill-will, to murder. Bitterness sometimes is carried to this extreme end but, whether or not it is, it is still ugly in all of its stages.
Friend, the very first thing that we must remember about bitterness is that it is sin. God commands that we rid ourselves of anger and malice. We read; “But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.” (Colossians 3:8), and; “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32 KJV).
How do we forgive someone when they have wronged us? Wrongs can be very severe and injurious. Can they be dismissed when the feelings of anger are still within us? Yes. Forgiveness is a choice of our will. Our feelings may or may not line up with our choice of forgiveness at the moment of forgiving another. Ask God to help you forgive and then make the choice to do so. Your heart will be immediately made right and healed. The issue of your feelings will slowly heal over time.
When seeking God’s help to forgive, God has given us a tremendous help in His Word. The Bible is full of examples of forgiveness, the greatest being that of Jesus Christ, Himself. Jesus had no sin of His own. He had committed no crime. Yet, a death sentence was placed on Him. He suffered horrible torture and, yet, could pray with sincerity for His very executioners. We read these words; “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” (Luke 23:34 KJV) and; “Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:” (1 Peter 2:23 KJV).
They mocked Jesus, but He did not revile or threaten them. He, instead, showed grace and endured.
When Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, He was living up to the standard that He had called for Himself. He taught men to forgive each other. We read:
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Matthew 18:21-35 KJV
The Bible is, with great frequency, calling us to forgiveness. Consider the Apostle Paul’s words:
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Romans 12:14-19 KJV
How often should we forgive? Peter asked Jesus the following question and heard the Lord’s response:
Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus *said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22
The Christian learns to forgive when we reflect on the fact that the Lord has forgiven us for so much. How could we not, in turn, be the same way in response? How could we learn from experience how good it feels to receive forgiveness, and then not show it to others? Again, we read; “ bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” (Colossians 3:13).
Forgiveness sometimes involves a further, difficult step. It often involves going to the person that we are bitter against and apologizing for that bitterness. This is not always the case. It is possible to be upset with someone without them even knowing that you are. In such cases, you can resolve the issue between yourself and God. However, many times bitterness is something that is communicated and there is a need to go to the person, or persons, involved and make peace. They may have the greater part of the blame. By going to the person first, you are taking the mature step of taking the initiative to forgive. Many times the other party won’t take the initiative to heal the relationship. However, they will often respond positively to someone coming to them for forgiveness.
Friend, if you are struggling with bitterness and unforgiveness, you can pray in words similar to these:
Lord Jesus, I come to You for You are Lord and You lived the greatest example of forgiveness that has ever been lived. You are the great Forgiver and I want to be a forgiver, too. Jesus, I feel like I have been wronged by someone and I need Your help in forgiving them. Help me. I see from Your example what forgiveness is and if You can forgive my sins, then I can forgive too. Then I can forgive this person too. Lord Jesus, forgive all of my sins. Wash them away. I turn from my sins and commit to following You and Your higher way. I forgive those who have wronged me. I make the choice to forgive. Bring a healing to my heart this day and help bring my feelings in line, even if this takes time. Give me the courage to go to those who have felt my bitterness and make things right with them. Thank You for Your love. Amen.
Shawn Stevens
REFFERENCES
The Billy Grahm Christian Worker’s Handbook. Minneapoli: World Wide Publications. Billy Grahm Evangelistic Association, 1984.
Forgiveness: The Lost Art Of Keeping Short Accounts. The unpublished Study Notes Of Jake Balzer.
Ted Haggard. Primary Purpose. USA:Creation House 1995.
Scripture also quoted from the King James Bible
Bitterness and Forgiveness
Professional counsellors admit that a large part of their work is helping people to forgive and become free of bitterness. Bitterness is animosity and hatered directed towards another person. It is usually over some injury or wrong that has been done to a person, either intentionally or unintentionally. It may even be over a misunderstanding, where there was no actual violation at all. Whether over actual, imagined, intentional or unintentional violation, bitterness binds up a person’s soul, is sin, and must be resolved.
Bottled up anger has many effects on a person, all of them negative. The resentful person may have anxiety, difficulty sleeping, difficulty interacting with others and physical sickness. They lose their ability to be gentle-spirited and kind. They may even become captivated with the desire for revenge.
Friend, if you are wrestling with bitterness or resentment, the Bible has the answer for you. It will help us with this critically important life-issue, and its message is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is truly one of the most beautiful words in the English language. It is about releasing other people and about ourselves being released. Forgiveness is something that we need to give and receive our whole lives long. Scripture says; “How blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, Whose sin is covered! How blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, And in whose spirit there is no deceit!” (Psalm 32:1-2).
All alternatives to forgiveness are deceptions and further entrapments. There is something within the reasonings of men’s minds which says, “I just need to clear my chest and repay injustice done to me. Then I will feel better.” Sadly, clearing your chest often is just another way of saying “venting anger on people.” Repaying wrong done to us is often just vengeance, and vengeance provokes a response of further vengeance. This is how conflicts escalate. It must be said that there is a place, in some instances, for defending yourself legally. In many cases, if not most cases, it is advisable to suffer wrong done to us and dismiss it by an act of forgiveness.
The first known example of bitterness and unforgiveness was that of Cain. (See Genesis Chapter Four). Cain and his brother, Abel, brought sacrifices to the LORD. However, Abel took the all-important, obedient step of offering to the LORD the type of sacrifice that God wanted. Cain did not do this but, instead, made a sacrifice of crops. Consequently, the LORD accepted Abel’s sacrifice and rejected Cain’s sacrifice. Cain chose to hate and blame his brother for God’s rejection, and even killed him in a fight. This is bitterness running its full course, from resentment to ill-will, to murder. Bitterness sometimes is carried to this extreme end but, whether or not it is, it is still ugly in all of its stages.
Friend, the very first thing that we must remember about bitterness is that it is sin. God commands that we rid ourselves of anger and malice. We read; “But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.” (Colossians 3:8), and; “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven [a]you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32 Footnote [a] Two early mss read us).
How do we forgive someone when they have wronged us? Wrongs can be very severe and injurious. Can they be dismissed when the feelings of anger are still within us? Yes. Forgiveness is a choice of our will. Our feelings may or may not line up with our choice of forgiveness at the moment of forgiving another. Ask God to help you forgive and then make the choice to do so. Your heart will be immediately made right and healed. The issue of your feelings will slowly heal over time.
When seeking God’s help to forgive, God has given us a tremendous help in His Word. The Bible is full of examples of forgiveness, the greatest being that of Jesus Christ, Himself. Jesus had no sin of His own. He had committed no crime. Yet, a death sentence was placed on Him. He suffered horrible torture and, yet, could pray with sincerity for His very executioners. We read these words; “Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.” (Luke 23:34KJV) and; “Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously:” (1 Peter 2:23 KJV).
They mocked Jesus, but He did not revile or threaten them. He, instead, showed grace and endured.
When Jesus forgave those who crucified Him, He was living up to the standard that He had called for Himself. He taught men to forgive each other. We read:
Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven. Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.
Matthew 18:21-35 KJV
The Bible is, with great frequency, calling us to forgiveness. Consider the Apostle Paul’s words:
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Romans 12:14-19 KJV
How often should we forgive? Peter asked Jesus the following question and heard the Lord’s response:
Then Peter came and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus *said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.
Matthew 18:21-22
The Christian learns to forgive when we reflect on the fact that the Lord has forgiven us for so much. How could we not, in turn, be the same way in response? How could we learn from experience how good it feels to receive forgiveness, and then not show it to others? Again, we read; “ bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” (Colossians 3:13).
Forgiveness sometimes involves a further, difficult step. It often involves going to the person that we are bitter against and apologizing for that bitterness. This is not always the case. It is possible to be upset with someone without them even knowing that you are. In such cases, you can resolve the issue between yourself and God. However, many times bitterness is something that is communicated and there is a need to go to the person, or persons, involved and make peace. They may have the greater part of the blame. By going to the person first, you are taking the mature step of taking the initiative to forgive. Many times the other party won’t take the initiative to heal the relationship. However, they will often respond positively to someone coming to them for forgiveness.
Friend, if you are struggling with bitterness and unforgiveness, you can pray in words similar to these:
Lord Jesus, I come to You for You are Lord and You lived the greatest example of forgiveness that has ever been lived. You are the great Forgiver and I want to be a forgiver, too. Jesus, I feel like I have been wronged by someone and I need Your help in forgiving them. Help me. I see from Your example what forgiveness is and if You can forgive my sins, then I can forgive too. Then I can forgive this person too. Lord Jesus, forgive all of my sins. Wash them away. I turn from my sins and commit to following You and Your higher way. I forgive those who have wronged me. I make the choice to forgive. Bring a healing to my heart this day and help bring my feelings in line, even if this takes time. Give me the courage to go to those who have felt my bitterness and make things right with them. Thank You for Your love. Amen.
Shawn Stevens
REFERENCES
The Billy Grahm Christian Worker’s Handbook. Minneapoli: World Wide Publications. Billy Grahm Evangelistic Association, 1984.
Forgiveness: The Lost Art Of Keeping Short Accounts. The unpublished Study Notes Of Jake Balzer.
Ted Haggard. Primary Purpose. USA:Creation House 1995.
“Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®,
Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973,
1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation
Used by permission.” (www.Lockman.org)
Scripture also quoted from the King James Bible